forever
by Synesthesiae
Summary: some love is forever and some isn't meant to be.


Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan.

Thanks for reading.

* * *

xxx

He tossed in his bed. Again. Slowly, he lost count of how many times he had turned with his eyes wide open. He didn't know why he couldn't sleep this particular night. Glancing at the clock on the bedside table, he saw it was 2:15 A.M. Heaving a sigh, he knew he had to be up in another three hours for early start at work. Yet, his mind wouldn't let him rest.

Shinichi reached over and grabbed his phone from the table and turned it on. He searched until he found a name he wanted and dialed the number.

"Do you know what time it is?" the voice on the other end said sleepily.

 _Not even a 'hi,'_ he mused. "I know," he said. "And I also know there is a coffee shop that is open overnight around where you live."

Some shuffling was heard on the other end. "You apparently have been here way too often," the voice replied. He chuckled and got up.

x

She wrapped her slender fingers around a hot cocoa cup and gently blew into the hot surface. Her short, reddish-brown hair was combed neatly and tucked behind her ears, revealing a pair of golden earrings. Her bright green eyes flashed every time the door opened. Until finally he made his entrance.

He waved at her from a far then proceeded toward her booth. Sitting down across from her, he flashed her a bright smile baring those perfect, white teeth, while taking off his scarf and jacket. He was in casual jeans and a white shirt but he still looked good. Heck, he looked good in anything.

She glanced down to hide her blush. He ordered something. Coffee maybe. He had work in a few hours anyway.

"Sorry to drag you out of bed in this weather," he said.

She looked up and met his brilliant blue eyes. "Too late for an apology now," she said.

"Well, my treat then." He nodded toward her cup. She shrugged.

"So what do you want?"

He pretended to look hurt. "Ouch, that's cold, Haibara. What if I just wanted to see you?"

She raised a brow. "You couldn't have picked a better hour, could you? Like after-work hours. You only want to see me at this ungodly hour when there is something that is intensely bothering you."

He blinked at her. "Wow, you do know me really well."

"We'd survived an ordeal together, so it's safe to say I _do_ know you very well." She sipped her cocoa. His order came. He did order coffee. Black. He didn't even bother with the sugar and milk. She forgot when he decided to not take anything with his coffee.

He was playing with his mug's handle, not meeting her eyes. "You're right," he said. "There is something bothering me. I couldn't sleep…" He glanced at his watch. "Last night. I don't know why. And I had this intense burn in my chest. It physically hurt."

She stared at him. "Are you sure it's not just a heartburn?"

He shook his head. "No, I didn't have anything last night after work. I went straight to bed. And usually I sleep like the dead, you know that."

Suddenly, the stilled dark liquid in her cup seemed pretty mesmerizing. It was her turn to play with the handle.

"Haibara?"

She looked up. "Well, what do you want me to say?" she asked. "Obviously, I'm not a doctor. I'm a scientist, and I can't diagnose you."

Shinichi stared out the window. It was in the middle of December. Everything was cold and frosty. Yet, there was barely any snow. Gusts of wind blew by. He draped his arm over the chair and crossed his legs. There was a faraway look in his eyes that she knew so well.

Heaving a small sigh, she said, "Well? In all honesty, what do you want me to say? And why couldn't we have this conversation over the phone?"

"Because I wanted to see you." He didn't look at her when he said that.

She had heard this line so many times yet time still froze whenever he said it. She hated herself for it. She should have grown immune to him and his charms by now but she couldn't. And why she couldn't just go out there and find herself a good, emotionally available man, she didn't know. She supposed she wanted what she couldn't have. So she had no one to blame for but herself.

"The last time I saw you was almost two weeks ago," she echoed her thought. It was true. They went out for dinner and a movie and somehow ended up back at her place and somehow when she woke up in the morning, he was already gone.

"I got caught up with work. I don't know if you heard-"

"Save it, Shinichi." She said, standing up. He simply gazed at her. Gathering up her things, she glanced at him. "Your house is closer to your workplace than mine is."

x

He wasn't sure why he was cleaning out his closet today. He hated cleaning. That's why he hired a maid to come by thrice a week to take care of things. Yet, he found himself knee-deep in his closet pulling out boxes.

They hadn't contacted each other since that early morning. How long had it been? He wasn't sure. He didn't know who should make the first move. She didn't so he left it be.

Most of his boxes contained old case files. Then, he came across one that didn't; it had all of the photographs taken during his Conan days.

Shinichi sat down on the floor, holding a bunch of pictures in his hands. His eyes glazed over the smiling faces of familiar people. People he'd lost in all senses possible.

Then, his blue orbs travelled across a very familiar smiling face. A face of an angel.

She was smiling so brightly, so happily. Her long, slender arms wrapped across Conan's shoulders and her chin rested over his head. They took this picture at her place during Christmas. He remembered she made him a scarf that night. It had mini Scooby-doo prints on it, and he wore it in the picture. He looked happy too. He even had a thumb-up.

He took away that smile of hers, that liveliness, that innocence. He hated himself for it.

Lifting his head up and staring at the ceiling, he heaved a small sigh. How long had it been? When did that night even happen? The night that she went away. Three, five years? Or maybe seven or ten? He's not sure anymore. He just kept on walking and walking because he had to. And also because he had made a promise to Haibara never to make her feel like she's alone in the world again.

Christmas was approaching. Snow was falling, whitening the sidewalks, the bushes and the trees. Maybe he should give her a call. He didn't even know where she lived now or whether she was married. He thought of going back to her father to ask but he already knew the answer. He would probably end up in the hospital if he did.

"Well, time to use my detective skill," he whispered to himself and got up.

His phone rang. It was Haibara.

"Hello?" he answered

"What are you up to tonight?"

"Probably just doing some light reading and drinking tea by myself. What's up?

"Want to grab French? I know of a restaurant that just opened up down your street."

"What's the special occasion?"

"None. I just want to see you."

He glanced at his watch. "Pick you up at 7?"

"Sure."

x

"Are you sure this is the place?" she asked, glancing at him from the corner of her eye.

Shnichi held the picture up to the sun as if doing so would reveal some type of clue. He squinted slightly, brought it down and nodded. "I'm sure," he said.

She raised a delicate brow. "How _can_ you be sure?" she pressed. "The information you got, mind you, came from a drunkard. What makes you think it is reliable?"

"It's not." He snapped, then clearing his throat at his outburst, he turned to her, placed both hands on her shoulders and looked deep into her eyes. She returned his gaze unwaveringly. "I'm sorry for raising my voice at you," he said softly. "But you just have to trust me, Haibara."

She shook his hands off and said coldly. "I just don't want you to be disappointed." Then turning on her heels, she walked away, muttering under her frosty breath. _Again…_

January was already here. It was actually the second week of January. The air was stale and freezing. He could see his breath as he breathed out into his cupped gloved hands. The sky was dark gray and everywhere was so quiet. Snow was slowly trickling down. He picked up his pace to catch up to her.

The picture he held in his hand consisted of a house in the middle of a beautifully crafted garden. He knew the information was right because only _she_ would plant those flowers. Those orchids. _Her_ favorite.

As they were walking toward their destination, he reached out his hand and grabbed her gloved one. Quickly, their steps fell in synchrony. He could feel her previous anger dissipating slowly and a small smile spread on his handsome face.

He could see the tip of the house's roof, its chimney with smoke coming out of it. Closing his eyes, he thought he could smell orchids though he knew it was impossible; it was in the middle of winter.

"Shinichi…"

Her voice pulled him from his reverie and he opened his eyes. She had stopped walking and in front of them stood _her_ mother facing a middle-aged man.

The two figures just feet ahead of them were dressed in black as if in mourning. And to solidify his dread, Eri seemed to be sobbing because her slender frame was shaking slightly. The man had his hand on her shoulder and seemed to be saying something to her.

Suddenly, Shinichi felt nauseous and dizzy. He hadn't realized his grip on her hand had tightened and she winced slightly at the pressure.

"Shinichi…"

At that moment, Eri turned around and their eyes met. The wind blew by, carrying dead leaves with it.

Shinichi couldn't remember much what happened after that.

Somehow, he found himself walking to the cemetery with Eri and Haibara. The man was no longer around. He then found himself staring down at a gravestone, yet his mind couldn't comprehend what was occurring.

 _Here lies Ran Mouri_

 _(- - -)_

 _A beloved daughter and a gentle spirit_

 _You will be dearly missed,_

 _May you find everlasting peace_

"I'm glad to see you here, Shinichi, despite the circumstances," Eri was speaking. Shinichi simply stared at the marker. His limbs slacked. His face unreadable and emotionless.

"What… happened?" It was Haibara's voice.

Eri took a deep breath, bent down on one knee and brushed the tombstone with her gloved hand. Her long, curled bangs blew gently in the wind.

"She decided to put the past behind her," Eri said. "She wanted to move forward. She wanted to live her life to the fullest. She was so happy." Her voice cracked. She stopped and sobbed. Haibara bent down and wrapped an arm around the older woman's shaking shoulders.

"She was so happy," Eri repeated. "She wanted a simple life. Just a house with the two of us and a beautiful garden…"

 _Orchids…_ Shinichi blinked.

"She… If only I'd come to pick her up that night…" Eri said. She gasped and started crying. Haibara tightened her hold on the woman. Glancing at Shinichi, she frowned and tried to mouth the words _do something_ but it was a lost cause. He was enchanted. As if the tomb were an enchantress, a siren that mesmerized him to lure him to his death.

"Did you know, Shinichi?" Eri stood up. Haibara quickly got on her feet with a mildly surprised look on her face. The older woman seemed to already have recovered. Her tears had stopped.

Shinichi didn't even blink. His face was still unreadable and expressionless.

Suddenly, Eri smiled. "She was ready to forgive you," she said. "That night when she worked late and had to walk home, she ran into a fight between a couple. She could've ignored them and moved on, but my Ran stepped in and tried to fence off the man. She didn't know he had a knife and that he was drunk and that he was a fighter for a living. She stood no chance. But you know, at the end, she was content because the woman got away safely."

The air grew colder. Haibara shifted on her feet.

Eri stepped closer to Shinichi. He didn't flinch. She placed a hand gently on his shoulder. The smile was still there underneath the curtain of tears. "It happened in the middle of December. Took you this long to find her, mister detective." She let her hand fall back to her side. "She never stopped loving you. On her deathbed, she told me to let you know that you are forgiven by her if our paths ever crossed. So, I'm glad we met again."

Then, she hugged him. He couldn't move. It was as if he were paralyzed.

"Thank you," she whispered. "For all those years that you gave her. You made her very happy. They were probably the happiest days in her life." Stepping back, she smiled at him again but he couldn't see well. Was it because the smile was hidden under another curtain of tears? If so, whose curtain?

Eri nodded at Haibara and started walking in the opposite direction.

Haibara turned to Shinichi. "Shinichi?" He slowly turned to look at her.

That was when she knew. The shattering of a heart had never sounded so loud and had never hurt so much.

She knew she had lost him forever.


End file.
